I have been blessed with an amazing circle of female friends. As these incredible friends became mothers, I noticed some subtle changes in their attitudes. Frankly, they’ve become crazy. I thought I would take the time to categorize and analyze their behaviors. After all, I did have a minor in Psychology…Well, fine, I was six credits short of it actually being a minor. At the end of the day, I took six Psych classes. That more than qualifies me as an expert in the field.
I will never, ever, understand why anyone wants to be a stay-at-home Momma. The job description sounds glamorous; take the kids to the park, hang around the house, wear Lulu Lemon gym clothes all day, even though you don’t go to the gym, and make lifelong memories with your perfect children. Here’s what the job description should actually read…
“Needs to be comfortable with vomit, being punched in the face repeatedly, proficient in screaming, seven years experience in getting Play Dough out of carpet, never appreciated, no vacation time, Salary range $0.”
My long time friend, whom I adore, is a Stay-at-Home Hero. She is an educated woman with a Masters degree in childhood education. Clearly, she should win the “Mom of the Year Award” based on the fact that she can teach her children pretty much anything and being a former teacher, she should be able to discipline in an effective positive manner.
It has become evident that there is no pre-requisite when it comes to Stay-at-Home Mommyhood, because my intelligent, put together friend can now normally be found with vomit spots on her Lulu Lemon shirt. Oddly, her disciplinary tactics are very similar to mine- there’s yelling, pleading, negotiating and eventually solace in the knowledge that they eventually will have to sleep.
Stay-at Home Hero just endured her first round of potty training with her oldest child. I was concerned for her mental health as she spent a great deal of the week covered in urine and throwing away Hello Kitty underwear soiled in feces. I stopped by her home to see how it was going…more or less to check on her sanity more than her daughter’s progress. I was relieved when I saw that her little girl was doing well. I asked Stay-at-Home Heron what was her “trick” to get her on the potty. She beamed and informed me that she bribed her with candy canes. I smiled, and then slowly wondered where one would find a supply of candy canes in the middle of the summer. I asked and a strange look of panic crossed her face. She hadn’t thought of that. Of course she didn’t. Her children have stolen all her sense of logic.
At the opposite end of the spectrum is the working mother. I have quite a few of those in my circle as well. They have a different side of insanity to them. There’s that element of guilt that overtakes them daily as they throw on their Coach conservative heels and run out the door every morning. My theory is that it is guilt that gives them the Super Mommy complex. They simply need to feel that they are doing everything in their power that is best for their kid because they can’t be by their side seven days a week.
I normally will get texts like this throughout the day:
“Do you think the daycare will get cameras so we can watch them online all day?”
“I did some research on organic meals during my lunch hour, I’m thinking about going vegan with the kids, thoughts?”
“I signed Janey up for swimming, gymnastics, dance and soccer. They’re all on Saturdays so we can go to all the classes- Sign Hayden up too”
“I just read an article in the NY Times about how pediatricians are forcing medications on our kids, do you think it’s too late for me to change careers and become a pedi?”
I’ve also found that the bedtimes for Workin’ Mommy’s kids are somewhere between 10 and 11 pm, maybe even a little later if there’s an extra book the kid wants to read. The Stay at Home Hero? 5:45 pm. Not a minute later. There will never be an extra book.
The Workin’ Mommy’s typical status…“Charleston won Class Leader today! That means he gets to be line leader to the playground!! Mommy is so proud of you!” (Insert Instagram pic of child looking miserable here)
Stay-at-Home Hero status…“xyfmykiso” She accidentally lost her phone in the couch cushions again and probably sat on it. Ironically, she usually get’s 12 likes off her butt status updates.
The Workin’ Mommy’s thoughts on Max and Ruby…Who?
The Stay-at-Home Hero thoughts on Max and Ruby…The kids are no longer allowed to watch Max and Ruby because it is outrageous that Max is so mischievous… and not for nothing, but Ruby is a seriously bossy rabbit. Where is their mother? They have no parental control on that show and I refuse to have my kids watch it.
At the end of the day, all my Mommy friends are amazing in their own way. The one thing we all have in common is that we desperately love our children and want what’s best for them. My heart aches for the friend that cries because she has yet another business trip and has to leave her one-year-old at home- and I understand the frustration of giving up your own identity to become the sole full time caretaker for your children while your spouse leaves the house every day with a briefcase and a smile. So, wherever you fall in your family dynamic, I applaud you for being the best parent you can be. I’ve learned that it really is always greener on the other side but it’s important to enjoy what’s happening on your side too. In the great words of Aerosmith, “I don’t wanna miss a thing”.
Anna Sforza-Zapotosky is the definition of a multi-tasker. Why have one love when you can have many? She is a full time Realtor with William Raveis Real Estate servicing all of lower Fairfield County. You can hear her as “Anna Zap” on-air with Connecticut radio stations, 95.9 The Fox and Star 99.9. She has performed standup comedy all over New York City, Westchester County and Fairfield County. Her most important role though is as a Mommy to her beautiful three year old daughter Hayden, and wife of seven years to her college sweetheart, Paul. Together, they are making it in Fairfield County.